Can I really pull this off?

OK. That does it. I just spent well over 10 minutes posting 21 words (including title and label) on my blog, Front by the Window. I was worried about getting it just so. Perfect. And, it isn’t even the writing project I have been working on all week!  sheesh.

My purpose for starting Front by the Window was to write and post clever little ditties about my life. Charming stories about my childhood and my family. I planned on being funny, whimsical, clever and completely original. I would write astounding paragraphs of such compelling creativity and wit—the likes of which had never been seen before—that some literary agent would swoop down, read the posts and contact me immediately for swift and sure publication.

I wrote ONE entry on February 24th. Then, I struggled with what to write next. Creative Block set in with a vengeance. Then Perfectionism raised her evil head.  The writing wasn’t funny nor was it clever. Plain. Blah. Ordinary. I wrote, rewrote, erased and quit.

Then, I posted another entry. Today’s little gem of 16 words. 

I have joined with other creatives in following Julia Cameron’s guide, Walking in this World.  This first week of the project deals with the chapter called “Discovering a Sense of Origin”.  Julia seems to be talking directly to me and bringing up some painful issues. And reminding me of things I already know.

“Just do it”

Overthinking is the enemy of creativity. Been there. Do that all the time. 

She reminded me that when I dive into a painting that has been in my heart for a while, when I paint for me, that the artwork and I have a conversation. It tells me where to go next. These are my most successful pieces. I love them and so do others who view them. The gravy? They also buy them! 

Focus and Finality

I have been so concerned with the final, perfect product that I forget the process. I focus on the big picture instead of the first steps. I procrastinate because I don’t want to fail. Embarrassing. I end up being humiliated because I didn’t even try. Instead of trying to dramatically push the course of the river, I need to sit by the river and gain inspiration and peace. The artwork is there (I have all the materials and supplies, for crying out loud). It is waiting for me to begin. 

Commit to our Dreams.

I need to express myself, whether through the written word, drawing, illustrations, paintings or even blinging up my horse’s tack. It’s who I am. Always has been. I must “give voice to my true nature” and sing. Ms.Cameron says that this is contagious. That creative energy is energy. Reading those words in her book and even sharing them on this page are invigorating. I am writing!

The next task for this week is “Do Nothing.”  It’s a bit more complex than the nothing I felt like earlier today. I wanted to do not-one-thing and to be left alone in my own personal depression. Boo-hoo. Couldn’t do it. Instead, I dove into the Morning Pages (part of our assignment) and got a few things off my chest. Then, I re-read this week’s chapter. Now, I am going to post this on my blog. Baby steps. And not my artist’s website, either. On my writing blog: Front by the Window. 

If you happen to read this and have something to say, please post a comment. We are in this together. I am trying to look at change as a gift and to be patient. A lesson I learned in my artwork is to take the time to put each mark of the pencil or brush in the right place.  And, that gesso covers a multitude of sins.

Just start again.